LET'S ALL START WORDPRESS BLOGS
WORDPRESS BLOGS: WHAT IS WORDPRESS PART TWOBy Evan Redmon | November 10, 2015
WORDPRESS BLOGS: THE GREAT UNKNOWN
Read volume one by clicking here.
They know about WordPress blogs. They know people in their office write WordPress blogs, for reasons unknown; they’re not really sure what these people do.
That sounds magically technical. Not terribly bloggy. These folks must be really smart.
It’s okay if you don’t get it, but if you hear ‘WordPress’, and you picture a hydraulic press smashing big words into smaller words, don’t ever admit that to anyone.
This WordPress blogs thingamajig is really simple, or rather, it can be.
You don’t have to know how to float the div relative to the header. Guys who sport skinny jeans, gold miner beards, and quirky messenger bags should never intimidate anyone with coding language.
You don’t have to live in that world. There are some important wide-view things that will help you, however.
WHEN WORDPRESS BLOGS ARE BORN
Perhaps a clinical psychologist was advised that “Blogging will help establish you as a leader in the field“.
Or maybe a semester abroad in Prague seems worthy to chronicle in the annals of history.
First this happens:
Which leads to this:
Poof! Another baby blog, happily delivered by the gullet of WordPress to the internet.
If you can use your email, you can do this.
BLOG AND CLOG
PRAGUE AND BLOG: MY CZECH CHECK-IN: chronicles a teenage life in exquisite detail from August 27th – November 19th, 2009.
First Post, a month before departure:
“Just found out there are 10,368,000 seconds in four months – that is so amazing! Life’s too short to waste a single one when I’m in Prague.”
The last post, the day before the plane ride back to the US for Thanksgiving dinner:
“Prague is so amazing. Haven’t written in a while. At this point I’m spiritually at one with the Czech people so blogging like a foreigner just didn’t feel right anymore.”
The phrase ‘is so amazing’ is–not by design–in each of the 26 posts. Six years later, this exclamation becomes an unintended keyword. Thus, a handful of people who do this
occasionally stub their toe on this lexicographical IKEA nightstand for years to come.
No one seems to know why the elves who run the internet don’t just throw it away, or at least move it somewhere so people would stop hurting themselves on the stupid thing.
Yet there it sits.
People find it in 2015, because it’s been there since 2009, and Google believes in tenure. Additionally, every post has the phrase “Prague” and “so amazing” at least once. Google’s algorithms will likely decide this is relevant. Thus, this becomes a top Google search result for “Prague is so amazing”.
As the page loads, an embarrassing quagmire of ignorance and self entitlement gurgles its way into millions of pixels.
For the writer, it eventually becomes a memory museum of promiscuous nostalgia.
For WordPress developers, PRAGUE AND BLOG: MY CZECH CHECK-IN tells a different story.
|THE INTERNET TIMES
June 17, 2009 – Today, an unsupported WordPress theme named “Jelloshot” was wed to a mangled hurricane of dangling prose and visual disharmony at the Church of Latter Day Memes. Young people gathered exuberantly. A crowd of apathy and bad decisions danced well into the night.
“Oh, we don’t expect there to be much content.” quipped the Webmaster, who performed the typically brief ceremony. “Certainly not anything useful. But it will remain online for years anyway. The author will need to wistfully reminisce on a time in her youth when she ‘did some writing’. There’s a strong likelihood that she will ‘want to start writing again’ at the old age of 27, but we’re all praying that it never happens, of course.”
WORDPRESS BLOGS NEVER DIE, THEY JUST START LOOKING WEIRD
Forty-one uninstalled WordPress updates later, an artistic quality–one which it never enjoyed while active–hauntingly carpets PRAGUE AND BLOG: MY CZECH CHECK-IN like algae on a sunken cruise ship.
You don’t want your name attached forever to the world’s worst blog. Even if you delete it, that doesn’t mean it’s gone. Computers are funny that way.
In that light, it isn’t difficult to understand why WordPress gets a bad rap from John Q Public. Though fictional, the above scenario is based on thousands of true WordPress misadventures.
How can both be true?
The answer is coming in the final act of this three-part tale.
Hint: I can buy a hammer at a hardware store. I can hit nails with it.
Doesn’t make me a carpenter.